“Don’t Be a Mean Girl or a Meaner Woman”
Take a minute to think about this, and answer truthfully. If you are a woman, how do you feel about other women? When a woman passes by, what goes through your mind?
Do you immediately compare yourself to her?
Do you look at her hair, her skin, her weight?
Do you notice her clothes, her bag, her makeup?
Do you feel jealous and wish you were her?
Do you feel superior and glad you are not her?
Do you gossip about her as soon as she passes by?
Do you think she looks like a tramp? A bimbo? A beeotch? A skank? A soccer mom? An amazon? A cougar?
Don’t feel bad if any or all of those answers sound familiar. You are not a bad person, just a victim of modern society. There have been hundreds of studies conducted and books written about this subject. The research shows that modern-day females are pre-wired to think those very kinds of thoughts about each other. In fact, there are actually subconscious influences at work (psychological, biological, social and media-based) that cause women to dislike or feel threatened by other women. Nevertheless, acknowledging that fact is not an excuse to continue behaving that way. This has to change!
Unlike other times in history when women banded together for equal rights, today women seem more at odds with each other than ever. Women are constantly in competition with one another in everything from online dating sites to Facebook bragging. Movies and television shows pit women against each other and portray housewives as backstabbing divas. The list goes on and on.
The good news is that the older you get, the less you will succumb to those kinds of thoughts. Most women will reach a point when they are more comfortable in their own skin (it may be wrinkled by then) and see other women in a different light. The challenge, however, is to teach our youth to change their mindset so they won’t have to wait until middle age (or later) to stop treating each other poorly.
No woman should be a victim of psychology, biology or the media. We control our own thoughts, so we can change our collective mindset. It is our responsibility to bring about that change. As women, we need to focus on ourselves (Run Your Own Race) and learn that our worth is not based on how we compare to others … and teach that to our daughters.
We need to know that comparisons are futile because there are approximately 3,710,295,643 women in the world, and there will always be someone who is smarter, healthier, prettier, stronger, wealthier, etc. and the opposite … and then teach that to our daughters.
All women need to realize that words are the deadliest weapons we will ever wield … and teach that to our daughters.
Women also need to learn to appreciate other women and embrace our sisterhood … and teach our daughters to do the same.
If you are of the female persuasion, pay attention to what thoughts enter your mind the next time you see another female, whether it be in person, online or otherwise. Make it a point to put any negativity out of your mind, and instead celebrate what incredible creatures we all are. Put that on repeat and … teach your daughters to do the same.
1st Peter 3:10 “If you want to see the day fill up with good, say nothing evil or hurtful.”
Proverbs 26:20 “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.”
The book, “Mean Girls. Meaner Women, Understanding Why Women Backstab, Betray, and Trash-Talk Each Other and How to Heal, by authors, Dr. Erika Holiday and Dr. Joan I. Rosenberg explores this subject and provides answers about this baffling behavior. They ask, Why can so many women form wonderfully close connections with each other while some intentionally hurt other women? Why are girls so mean to other girls? What motivates them to betray, backstab, trash-talk, and humiliate one another? Why does this same hurtful behavior continue between women well into adulthood? What can women do to have closer and more authentic connections with one another?”
Other books to check out:
“Mean Girls Grown Up: Adult Women Who Are Still Queen Bees, Middle Bees, and Afraid-to-Bees” by Cheryl Dellasega PhD
“Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World” by Rosalind Wiseman
“In the Company of Women: Indirect Aggression Among Women: Why We Hurt Each Other and How to Stop” by Pat Hein
“The Twisted Sisterhood: Unraveling the Dark Legacy of Female Friendships” Kelly Valen
“Girl Wars: 12 Strategies That Will End Female Bullying” by Cheryle Dellasega and Charisse Nixon
“Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bullyproof Girls in the Early Grade” by Michelle Anthony and Reyna Lindert
“Mean Girls Gone: A Spiritual Guide to Getting Rid of Mean” by Hayley DiMarco
“Woman’s Inhumanity to Woman” by Phyllis Chesler
“When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal with Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You” by Jan Yager