We get many emails asking for advice about mental health, but a good 50% of the help that people are asking for has to do with interpersonal relationships. We love every comment and question we receive, and hope our personal messages and posts provide the answers. Be prepared, however, because sometimes those answers may be hard to hear.
One thing we always advise people to do is to BE AUTHENTIC. It’s ALWAYS best to be up-front and honest with yourself and others. What we often find is that many people seeking help with an interpersonal relationship problem fail to take into account their role in the problem. They fall victim to THE BLAME GAME . . .
“It’s all his fault.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“He never apologized.”
“She started it.”
“She is the one who hurt/angered/disrespected me.”
“He made me angry.”
“She baited me/strung me along/lied to me.”
In the majority of cases, it takes two to tango. There can’t be an argument without two parties. Before blaming others, take responsibility for your part in the problem. Try to see the other side of the disagreement. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. No one can control your emotions. No one is at fault for YOUR behavior. You are in control. You choose how to respond to every problem. Think before you respond, take responsibility, form a response, agree to disagree, or simply walk away.
Remember, if you are looking for help with a problem, first look to yourself. Think of what you CAN and CANNOT control. Be accountable for your own actions. You may not always be as innocent as you think. We love the following quotes.
“You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.”
“Say what you mean, but don’t be mean when you say it.”
“Arguing with a fool only proves that there are two.”
“Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you.”
For a more in-depth look, check out the link below for a great article on the blame game.