Category Archives: Advice

“Advice: Beware of Gossip”

“Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others; the act is also known as dishing or tattling.” (Wikipedia)https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gossip

Everyone likes to gossip. It is means of social bonding. It can bring people together and liven up any conversation. We have gossip magazines, gossip television shows, and even gossip on the national news. Evolutionary psychologist Frank T. McAndrew says that gossip is an evolved social skill dating back to the age of the caveman. Although it is prevalent and accepted in our society, it has evolved into something that we should all beware of.

In 2018, gossip has evolved from something private into something public. It’s not a hush, hush comment or a juicy secret between best friends. Today, gossip is attainable because of the way we communicate. Judy tells Joe “secret” information about Jessica via social media or email. That information meant for Joe’s ear’s only is then instantaneously attainable to millions of other people around the entire world. Judy’s post or email can be copied and forwarded to anyone else, most likely to Jessica. Even if Judy is trying to keep her comments about Jessica discreet, they will get out. Practically nothing goes without being videotaped or recorded. Privacy has all but vanished. Jessica will find out what Judy said, and nine times out of ten, it will be hurtful.

So, let’s face it . . .  in 2018 if you are going to gossip about someone, it is going to get back to that person. You might as well be saying it directly to their face.  Therefore, if what you say about someone is not something you would tell them directly, DON’T SAY IT. Continue reading

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Advice: Don’t Be an Enabler

Don’t confuse enabling someone with loving/supporting someone.

Enabling is a very misunderstood, dangerous behavior that most often happens between two people who deeply care for each other, such as a husband/wife, mother/daughter, father/son, or two best friends. The enabler seldom realizes that they are indeed enabling their loved one to continue negative or self-destructive behavior. They think they are helping or supporting their loved one, when they are actually harming them. Enabling is commonly associated with feeding or supporting addiction, but it encompasses all kinds of negative behaviors.

Let’s use life-long friends Joe and Tom for an example. Joe is always getting in trouble. He cheats on his wife, breaks the law on occasion, pretends to be someone he is not, and seems to have no moral code. Despite this, all through his life, Tom has always stood up for Joe. When Joe behaves badly and gets in trouble, or someone points out his bad behavior, all he has to do is go to Tom, who will tell him everything is ok. Tom has a reasonable mind and knows right from wrong. He knows that the things Joe does are really bad, but he wants to make his friend feel better. He comforts Joe, minimizes the consequences of Joe’s negative actions, and even lies for Joe. Continue reading

Advice: Don’t Lie

This advice sounds like it comes from Captain Obvious. Of course, you shouldn’t lie. Everyone knows that lying is wrong. Lies are by definition told with an intent to deceive others. Even preschoolers know that it is not good to be a liar. Why then, are we offering such obvious advice? The answer to that question may surprise you . . .

Many of you do not know what it is like NOT to lie. A large percentage of you lie each and every day, sometimes without even thinking about it. All those lies, no matter how big or how small, have a negative effect on your subconscious mind. They create a kind of clutter or cognitive dissonance in your brain.

“In the field of psychology, cognitive dissonance

is the mental discomfort experienced by a person

who simultaneously holds two or more

contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values.” (Wikipedia)

We want you to rid yourself of all that clutter, so you can come to know what it feels like to be a truthful, authentic person. It is an extremely freeing way to live. A clear mind will change your life for the better in so many ways. You will do more good, and in turn, receive more good things in life. You will feel more relaxed, open, and unburdened. Adopting a life of truth will also help you reduce depression, anxiety and stress. Continue reading

Commentary on the Parkland, FL School Shooting; Don’t Let the Tragedy Be Yours

As you know, our site is dedicated to advice, self-help, positivity and depression hacks . . . However, there are very few optimistic or encouraging words to write in response the Parkland, Florida school shooting. Much like the Las Vegas mass shooting, it is a dire, far reaching tragedy that brings sadness, anger and hopelessness to the masses.

In many cases, global tragedies such as this can bring on or exacerbate depression. How are we supposed to deal the repercussions of such a horrific incident? People react in all sorts of ways, ranging from extreme anger, to complete denial. No one is to say there is a right or a wrong way to respond. What is important though, is that we respond in a healthy way. Beware of letting the tragedy become yours. Continue reading

Advice: How to Deal with Anger

Many people’s depression is manifested in the form of anger and irritability. Anger can have serious adverse effects if it is not addressed properly. The worst part about this facet of depression is that often you don’t know why you are angry and irritable. You seem to be peeved for no reason. You lash out at others, which makes you feel guilty and causes you to be isolated, anxious and more depressed. You may destroy the ties you have with friends and family, which are vital to maintain when dealing with depression. This can also increase your symptoms even more. So, how do you put a stop to this vicious cycle?

Learning anger management techniques is the key to end the cycle. Anger management is based on the same principles we have been discussing in our other posts.

You can control your thoughts.

Your thoughts affect your feelings.

Therefore, you can control your anger.

In order to control your feelings of anger, you must first accept them, even if you don’t know why you are angry. Then you have to choose to react positively to those very real, very strong feelings. Most people cannot do anything positive when they are in the heat of anger. Therefore, you have to be armed with the knowledge of how to deal with it. One way to deal with anger and irritability is to learn and remember to use the STOP, LOOK, LISTEN technique. Continue reading

Advice; Quitting Facebook/Instagram

Every now and then we come across something relevant to our site that we feel compelled to share. This is the second link on this topic that we have posted. We love what this article has to say  (I also LOVE Reader’s Digest. I have been reading it for decades). Please check it out: via Why I Quit Facebook and Instagram | Reader’s Digest

If you didn’t click on the links within the article, go back and check them out. There are some really great ones. It’s crazy that, “Facebook’s own researchers publicly questioned if the site could potentially be a threat to the public’s mental health…” See our favorite quotes from the article below.

“I don’t care what other people are up to. You do You”

“Ignorance really is bliss.”

“When you leave it (social media) The people who matter will still be there.”

“Most invites (on social media) weren’t sincere requests for my attendance, but a way to boost numbers on event pages…”

“I feel free to live in the moment.”

DEPRESSION: #METOO . . . #TIMES UP!

You’d have to be living under a rock to be unaware of the #metoo, #timesup movement that is happening right now, but there is another “movement” that is also gaining steam. It’s the de-stigmatization of depression. After many years, the subject of depression is finally becoming “acceptable” and no longer taboo.

Recently, more and more high-profile celebrities, musicians, professional athletes and even morning newscasters are “coming out” about their struggles with depression. They are publicizing the fact that they were (or still are) depressed and find no shame in seeking help on their own or from a professional. They are ridding the public of antiquated stereotypes, and proving that depression is a real disease that is NOT all in your head. They are showing the world that there is no reason NOT to admit that you are depressed, and no reason NOT to seek help. Depression is not a character flaw or a weakness. It does not mean you are crazy or broken, and it is way, way, way more common than you know. In fact, according to the World Health Organization, 350 million people suffer from depression. That is 6.9% of the entire population of Earth.

This movement is necessary because some old attitudes about depression still exist, especially among parents who don’t get help for their kids. One out of every 8 teens suffers from depression, but almost half of them never get help. This leads to a statistic of 5,000 teen suicides per year. This is not a small problem, and not one that will be hidden or ignored anymore! Seek help. Talk about it. Change is here! Join the movement and give it momentum.

The best example of this new attitude about depression that I have personally witnessed, is a rock musician speaking to a crowd of more than 18,000 die-hard fans in the middle of his concert about depression . . . Continue reading